Part 5: My Perspective – The End – Finding Anchors in the Storm

Part 5: My Perspective – The End

July 23rd.

That was the last time I have seen them. Or spoken to them (outside of a couple of professional emails). We prepaid August. At least we had childcare for the next month. My husband knew it was all on him because I would not be able to be face them. Part of me was insanely angry. The other part – insanely guilty for my reaction and behavior. Like insanely. The situation replayed in my brain for weeks.

I drank, heavily, 3 nights in a row.

I made an embarrassment of myself. But my husband still wanted to sit down with them. Speak face to face with them, and get a more direct answer as to the real reason why they would not allow Thing 2 back. She met all their requirements. She was no longer an angry child. So he finally scheduled a meeting for that Thursday, the 30th. Well, their AC broke and it was too hot in the office, so they had to reschedule, till August 1st. Ok no big deal.

July 29th, we received another e-mail that they decided to refund us August tuition and Thing 1’s last day would be July 31st.

It may just be coincidence. But they knew we wanted, no, we were going to demand, answers as to why our child that just so happens to be trans and has unique needs, was not allowed back. And then they suddenly decide to refund us when it is in their contract that contracts cannot be broken? Eh, Ok. Sure. Chalk it up to coincidence then.

We were all hurting for a couple weeks after that. In fact, my heart still hurts a little. Although now, actually yesterday – I realized that this situation no longer has control over me. I finally broke the chain.

After interviewing a few places, and learning some things that we were completely blind to about the last dojang – we did end up finding a new dojang. One that is MUCH MUCH MUCH better suited to our needs and our family. One that is not militant. One that is laidback, easy going, and actually truly cares. They do not make you feel like another paycheck. Granted, we have only been there 1 month.

But even the kids – are happy. Thing 1, is happy. Thing 1 wants to one day open her own dojang. And this one – well it is going to give her the tools she needs to achieve that dream. Thing 1 finally opened up to me after her last day at the last dojang – that they made her stop teaching the tiny tigers just because (or at least she is not ready to retell the true reason), and we figured that Thing 2 was never going to be invited to demo team. Regardless of how far backwards she could bend..

I had no idea. NO IDEA. That she was hurting so bad because of that dojang. Maybe it is just coincidence, but a little bit of me is curious if all her issues we had been experiencing – were because of that dojang.

Looking back, I know that I made some choices that were rude, disrespectful, out of line, and were not a reflection of the new me I have been working so hard at rebuilding.

If I could go back in time, I would stay calm yet remain firm. I would take more deep breathes. I would not jump to conclusions so quickly. But I am also acknowledging that my family is in a unique situation.

Being trans, in the current world we live in – is hard.

We know we are going to face bullies and be targeted because of who our youngest is. I just didn’t think it would come from a place we valued and respected so highly. A place we spent so much time at. A place that was a second home for our children. That we trusted them to pass on values that would shape them in to amazing, caring, respectful, leaders. Which they do – for the right family, they do amazing things. But we are not their right family.