2B Day 9: Where did that come from?

Day 9 – 301.5lbs (Total Loss: 2lbs)

I gained even more weight? At this point, I feel like I am going to explode out of my clothes. I dont get it!

The only thing I did differently was not walk during my brunchtime break. And I took the least amount of steps. And I am pretty sure I drank my 150 ounces…

Oh…….I see said the blind mouse.

I feel so defeated today. Last week, my clothes were ready to fall off. This is totally affecting me today. My positivity is down today. So much so, that anger crept in. And I was so angry. I flew off the handle quicker than a dog chases a cat up a tree.

I dont like how angry makes me feel. I thankfully was able to turn it around to a more neutral, not yet overly positive, mindset. Neutral is much better than angry.

2 years ago, I made a conscious effort to start looking at life differently.

But before I made that decision, I was the kid that was mean to everyone. I was the one in the checkout line saying terrible things about the person in front of me taking too long. I was the person that looked at the glass half empty. I felt that life constantly threw us curveballs. I felt as if we were constantly drowning.

We still are. But now I look at it as an adventure. The glass is full (half water, half air!). I have stopped letting stress drown me. I have started finding ways to turn that stress into a flotation device. Looking for the solution in all situations. I laugh more. I started living more. I enjoy more.

I smile more.

But why? Why 2 years ago? Because my negativity was only hindering the happiness of my children. And I couldn’t let them suffer because I was suffering. They only know what we show them. And if that is anger, well, I wanted to raise my kiddos with a different, happier, perspective.

It’s been 2 years of hard work. HARD work. Every day is a struggle. Every stressful situation, I have to turn it in to a learning moment. Before, I would let an angry mood sour my entire life for at least the whole day. Probably longer.

But now, I can recognize when my happiness fades. It is a weird feeling. It’s as if the light is being sucked thru a straw slowly out of me. Now.

It has taken 2 years. But happiness is the fuel for my happiness.

I still experience a whole range of emotions (every single day). But I consciously work to not let my emotions rule my life.

Today, I was so angry. I just wanted to go home and take a long nap. Sassy the kitten even hopped up on me and wouldn’t let me go. But thankfully, I had already switch from anger to neutral. If I didnt, I wouldn’t have achieved my goal of starting my first BeachBody On Demand (BOD) workout today.

What I have learned: that hard emotions can take hold of your life and make me want to take the easy way out of how I take care of myself. When I am angry, all I want is a pastry. An ooey gooey chocolatey pastry. But the happier I am, the easier it is to make healthier choices. Because working out, even though I didn’t want to, is exactly what I needed.

Mood: well, at least I didn’t set the world on fire with my anger today. Do I get a gold star now?

Today’s Anchor: being positive and happy, is my anchor thru every storm.

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