Pt 3 – This cant possibly be happening….
Day 471 – Saturday, June 26th, 2021
At 156pm yesterday (Friday) I triple checked that I loaded up the car with all my work property I was sent home with back in March 2020.
I turned on the car and started driving the same path I had taken 5 days a week for 6 years. Only this time – the road wasn’t illuminated by the moonlight at 4am. With my favorite podcast playing in the background, my body tensed as a rush of adrenaline lifted the hair on my arms.
I have been waiting for this day for years, literally. I couldn’t stand the job from the beginning but money is money. Someone pinch me – this isn’t happening. As I drove past the apartments where my bestie used to live – just down the road from my now former employer – it hit me…..
This is happening.
The last time I was on work property – was before my entire world crashed and burned. Before I went thru my spiritual awakening. I walked in with my head held high and I walked out with an extra pep in my step.
Fast forward to today and I slept in. On the weekends – we count on our dogs waking us up before 8am. Of course – they didn’t. Which would have been fine any other weekend during this Pandemic. But I scheduled a grocery pickup at 9am – I would have happily stayed in bed as long as possible.
Today – it just feels weird – surreal. I have no where to go and yet every thing I want to do.
Every Weekend over the past 470 days – has been pretty much the same – watching tv on the couch, with some home improvements scattered here and there. But every weekend – we just chill usually.
Sunday eventually rolls around and my brain kicks in to – need to do all the things before the week begins and I am too exhausted with my energy suck of a day job….
M-F for the past 470 days – I can wake up at 450am with little stress of logging in around 502am. For the 5 years pre-pandemic – I would be waking up at 412am to rush out to the car and panic, hoping I can login in before 505am. If you haven’t figured it out by now – I hate mornings. Cant stand em.
So when it comes to the weekends – I get to stay up late Fri and Sat because I don’t have to be up when its dark out.
Side note – I only recently just learned that I should probably be going to bed at the same time every night. But 8pm on a Friday/Sat? No thanks….
However – I also love mornings. If I find myself sleeping in past 8am – I feel like I just lost a whole day. And because I just lost a whole day – what’s the point in doing anything.
So here I am…on a Saturday at 440pm. It is currently 108* in my hometown in the PNW and I am struggling to relax.
There is so much to get done. I need to start purging my house. But Sunday is less than 12 hrs away. I start panicking that there is no way I will be able to be prepared for Monday morning for another week of my energy draining as fast as a dam is about to break.
And then a little voice reminds me that I am no longer an employee, a slave in the corporate cog.
I am now a business owner.
I am a Solopreneur who gets to make her own hours….her own schedule….her own rules.
I also do not have a stable paycheck – but for once in my life – I am not scared.
I am not worried. I am not stressed. I am not angry about corporate rumors and angry customers who feel entitled.
I have recalled all of my energies from places that no longer serve my purpose.
And I am doing this for me…..for my family…not for or in spite of anyone.
And that feels….liberating.
The interesting part of this whole experience…this new adventure I am embarking on – is that my brain and soul understand that I am right where I am supposed to be. I am doing EXACTLY what I am here to do.
My physical body on the other hand – hasn’t caught up yet. My throat feels like its stuck on the tarmac. My heart feels like its stuck between Reverse and Go but nowhere near neutral.
But my skin – it feels like its on fire. Oh wait – thats just the 106* temp outside at 5pm……
I am curious what transpires tomorrow…..
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