Today is day 159 of my little steps journey.
If you can do math, like I figured out how to do 5 minutes ago, it has been 59 days since I last posted any sort of update.
It wasnt preplanned. More like a by product, or a side effect of hitting the pause button on other things in our life this summer.
And if you have been a long time supporter, then you may have put 1 plus 1 together and realized that I am super close to my departure date for my 55mi Solo* Hike.
But… much like my blog sabbatical being unplanned and completely out of the blue……my Solo* hike plans have changed.
So many factors have gone in to wondering how it was June 23rd yesterday and nearly September tomorrow.
Where did this summer go? Where did my careful planning go? My epic dreams? My badassery? My strength and confidence?
Why are Christmas decorations out and I have barely finished the girls’ back to school shopping?
Life is hard sometimes.
And unpredictable.
And grand idea smashing.
And dream crushing.
Life is insane. Even when it feels like nothing has been accomplished.
Life whizzes by at a thousand miles a minute. Even when it feels like you cant experience anymore.
I didnt do a whole lot of soul searching this summer. I didnt break thru any more walls. I didnt make any more new ah-ha realizations or have any moments of grand epiphanies.
Sure. That was the plan. My plan, my critically thought out plan. My plan that I was as giddy about as a kid on Christmas Evening that tried her hardest not to fall asleep as she staked out the Christmas Tree in hopes of seeing that magical red suited man.
No. My plan was forgotten about, pushed aside, and ultimately boxed up because it wasnt being played with and hidden in the dusty damp attic.
The end of last school year was rough. Well, rough is an understatement. 9 days before summer break officially began, I could tell my big, epic, grand, solo hike training, was going to be neglected like last years Christmas Toy.
I told the girls, I told my husband, all extracurriculars were going to be halted for the summer.
Well most. Not Scouts. Duh.
No therapies. No cheerleading. No sports. No practicing for sports. Nothing extra that wasnt already planned.
Like scout campouts and our annual Pow Wow.
I told them the only thing extra, would be little hikes here and there.
In fact, I spent many, many hours researching the best hikes to take them on.
So….did I? Not a single one.
In theory, hitting pause on our chaotic lives….would work.
But theory is not always reality. Reality is more like a never-before-seen completely unscripted reality tv show.
Sure. The kids may not be 90% water instead of 70% thanks to our pool at home, and they may go thru withdrawals.
And I didnt spend alot of time chauffeuring kids from one thing to another.
But I forgot about what we actually do during the summer: the 5 camping trips, 3-4x a week of TKD for Black Belt training, house work, sleeping.
I failed to realize how much of my time I needed to invest in preparing for our summer adventures: planning 2 scout campouts mostly solo and 1 with a partner and team (1 campout I helped plan and organize 10+ Adults and 70+ youth).
I vastly underestimated the behaviors of my children and how much soul they would suck out of me.
I miscalculated how much changing my own meds would completely wipe me out and change my attitude towards life. P.s. I made some changes again and I think I am on the right path finally. My mental attitude had a dark summer.
I was blindsided by nuclear family meltdowns that would put a damper on damn near everything.
Ohplusalso, I am in the middle of a career identity crisis.
Yes. I did only think about the girls pre summer. Funny how that works. Kids first. It’s like us parents dont even exist. Or more like, there is no day camp for most of the summer so think about all the fun things we get to do!
Hah.
You make plans and life beats to its own drum.
But I am back. I am alive. I promise.
Not like anyone was missing me. Or was worried.
Dont mind me. I am just here, having a private conservation, sharing personal details with my good friend, Mr. Interwebs.
Or maybe my friend is Mrs. Interwebs? I dont know. They havent told me. And I havent asked….
Ok I may be back. But I did not say I was all mentally present and accounted for.
My brain sorta stopped working this summer at it’s full potential. And actually, I completely shut it down 2 weeks ago. It’s a dusty and dark place up there right now.
Hmmmm….Kind of like the attic where my grand plan box is stored currently …
Coincidence? You be the judge!
Moving on.
I finally have time to hit play on one of my passions: writing. Hiking to resume soon(ish). I hope.
And I finally have brain power to re-evaluate how I want to work this blog.
Changes are in the works. Both personally and professionally. This blog will still revolve around adventures, my little steps journey, and my life as a scout. I will still be writing about my kids that drive me nuts I love and sharing hardships and obstacles overcome.
Hitting pause was a literal no brainer.
Remaining paused was easy.
Hitting play again finally feels right.
My brain grabbed that box from the dark and dusty attic that was stored 10 weeks ago.
My little steps are eager to leave the dust, in the dust.
Because even though it is good to hit pause once in awhile and refresh, pause leaves the story, the adventure, the plan – no, the journey – unfinished.
P.s. dont worry! Calm! Breathe! Of course I will leave you with some pictures I have taken this summer. Did you really think I didnt take any? Clearly you do not know me well enough!
Finding Anchors in the Storm 