Little Steps 2 The Summit: Day 0

5 months, 3 weeks, 5 days, 7hrs, 38mins

25.63 weeks

180 days

At my last counseling session a couple weeks ago, I shared my love of the Iditarod.

He asked me what drew me to the Iditarod. What did I find so appealing about a 1000 mile race through insane conditions and terrain?

I replied that the terrain and insane conditions did not draw me in. What drew me in to this new found passion, is that each musher has their own story, their own challenges that they must face.

That each musher had a dream, turned it into a goal that they worked hard to achieve, and they turned their dream into a reality.

They pushed themselves to their limits, and then continued pushing.

And in the course of this discussion with my counselor, I came to a realization, that what I find truly captivating about the Iditarod, is that each musher is alone on the trail. It is just them and their dogs.

Each musher must be confident in who they are. They must be self reliant.

That is such a powerful idea to me.

Being a musher on the trail, it is just you and your dogs. A solo* adventure. You may be competing in a race, but you are there to compete against yourself.

Being alone. In the wilderness. Away from society. With no one to catch you if you fall. To rescue you if you need to. To light your fires. Cook your food.

No one to motivate you, but yourself.

A solo adventure.

Scary. Yet exciting. But scary.

Where each little step you take, takes you one step closer to your dreams becoming reality.

My counselor told me that by our next session, I needed to turn my dream of being alone, having only myself to rely on, into a goal. And have a date in mind that this could be potentially achieved.

In true K form, I have not only determined my goal, but I have set the exact date, location, training schedule, preparation schedule, class schedule, etc. And have even started reading a book based on a true story from someone that did what I am setting out to do.

Ok well I am only going to do part of their true story.

Oh…so this is what it is like to set a S.M.A.R.T. goal.

Ohplusalso…and this is what motivation, drive, and passion, feels like.

Woah.

These feelings are….weird. And tingly. And exciting. And scary. I dont know if I like these feelings.

But I know I am ready to find out.

I have mentioned in previous posts about my struggle with weight loss and dieting. How I had convinced myself that the only way I would be worthy, is if I lost 150lbs.

My weight loss journies in the past have sputtered out in flames. I run straight uphill for 6000ft, and immediately faint, tumbling off the cliff, crashing back to sea level.

Last year, I had a coming to terms with why I have failed so epically, so many times.

I am not good with strict and restrictive diets. I am not good with complex and from scratch recipes. I am not good with finding time for going to a gym to work out. I am not good with stalling. I am not good with working out, just to work out.

I am good with finding healthier alternatives. I am good with meal planning and simple recipes. I am good with finding time here and there to move more.

I just dont have the motivation. Or the desire. Or the passion.

Cookies and ice cream and pizza and Dr. Pepper soothe my soul in a way that veggies and fruit and water does not.

But it took me until 2 weeks ago for it all to finally click.

I knew what I wasnt good at. I knew what I am good at.

What am I missing? A link, a connection, a plug, a light switch. Maybe it’s a light bulb.

My counselor told me to just come up with a date. I did a little more than that.

And then I heard – No, I felt – The click.

“A goal should scare you a little and excite you alot” – Joe Vitale

I dont know who Joe Vitale is, but this quote couldnt be more true.

I drafted a goal. And I havent looked back.

My brain did this weird thing and started firing on all cylinders.

I have not wanted something this intensely, in a long time.

I am not afraid of failing this goal. Because I feel like my soul is taking the lead.

These little steps, this goal, is going to take me to the summit. My Nome.

This goal, is not about the weight loss.

This goal, is not about the nutrition.

This goal, is about the confidence. The self reliance. The courage.

This goal, is about the belief in myself.

I talked to my counselor on a Tuesday.

I enlisted my friends help that night. Scheduled a meeting (like all busy parents do) for Monday afternoon.

Friday evening we went out. And I told her my goal.

And I have never felt more at ease.

Saturday, I made the conscious choice to do more work outside around the house. I worked till I couldn’t move. And then I pushed myself a little farther.

Saturday night, we had Chinese. And my fortune cookie, could not have been more perfect.

Sunday night, it was a long weekend of hard work. And in true K fashion…..I spiked a fever and got sick. I was pretty much dead, on the couch, to the world, for most of last week.

True story. I joke about this all the time. I wish it was a joke. But every time I start to get healthy again, I hurt myself (sprain my ankle post disneyland). Or get sick, or shin sprints, or emergency surgery, or start a new job that requires me to be in bed before practice is even started (4 years ago, Roller Derby).

But this time felt different. I wasnt going to let this setback derail turning my dream in to a reality.

I took last week to add more details to my plan.

I quickly examined what I am so scared of. And I have made plans on how I am going to overcome those fears.

Because I am a little scared. But I am really excited.

What: A solo backpacking adventure

When: September 13th-16th

Where: Pacific Crest Trail, Section G, 53 miles, from Highway 35 to Cascade Locks (Bridge of the Gods).

Why: To prove to myself, that little steps will get me to my summit. My Nome.

With: Me, Myself, and my puppers Helios