I didn’t think we would ever make it thru this school year. It has been a really tough year. I have never been tortured before. But I imagine it would be similar to what we experienced this year – slow, arduous, stressful, torture.
I wasn’t too worried about Thing 1 starting 2nd grade. But before kinder started – my stomach was in knots for months. I didn’t know how this change would go. It literally could go either way. Either Thing 2 would keep it together all day and explode at home. OR Thing 2 would not be able to keep it together all day.
A mix of both outcomes happened. The school year started out great. But after they went back after winter vacation – things rapidly declined. In Oct – we found out that Thing 1 had an extremely hard time focusing. Extremely. So we went to her Dr and she was diagnosed with ADHD Inattentiveness. We ended Dec without too much of a struggle.
But then, January happened. And that is when the bullying started. Thing 1 was being relentlessly verbally and a little bit physically, bullied. The teachers never saw it happen. Thing 1 is too nice to go tell anyone. Or would forget (ADHD for the win). So after 6 weeks of her coming home, begging to change schools, in tears, anxiety THRU THE ROOF – I had multiple meetings with people at the school. And the last one – was with the Principle who made it a point to check in with her every single day. And that seemed to work. Phew.
We can relax for a little bit. Heh – not happening. Not in our life.
Because then shit hit the fan with Thing 2. She got kicked out of Taekwondo because of her explosive meltdowns. Her stress was through the roof. Our life was full of anger and the stress was so bad, I entered in to a deep depression. I was not even motivated to take a shower most days. I just wanted to watch TV and sleep.
And then I made a decision to start sharing about my struggles and my real life depression. And it felt good. Like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders. That no, we are not perfect. We do meltdowns, screaming fits, showerless weeks. We are not perfect.
Because then I almost died on the operating table. After being so depressed, and focused on my kids – completely tossing myself aside – my body told me I needed to stop and re-evaluate my choices.
During my recovery – our world shifted more than once. I had to figure out how to put myself first. And it became apparent that Thing 2 was suffering so deeply, we missed all of the signs. On top of sensory processing disorder, anxiety, adhd, and suspected Autism – Thing 2, we discovered, was suffering from gender dysphoria.
This is the point where the stress levels went so high – Divorce popped up in my head more than a few times. As well as the idea of packing up the car, grabbing my 2 kiddos and running away. Now – I would never do either. SuperHusband and I fight, but we always find our way back to eachother and figure out a solution. But still – it popped into my head a couple times.
We went from almost pulling both kids out of their school, to ending the year on a high note. We went from 1 boy and 1 girl, to 2 really happy and healthy girls. We went from a life full of stress, to a life full of laughter and love. And Living.
I don’t know what 1st and 3rd grade hold for us. I hope that we have resolved, or figured out, most of the issues thus far. But if things do get tough, and the seas get rough next year – we just have to remember that we will survive those seas as well.
Stress is a category 5 hurricane in and of itself. But living a life full of love and laughter, one in which you can be your true self – will be an anchor in the storm.