In this episode of #RealLife, we get an exclusive, first person POV of how The Brick Wall became SuperMom’s greatest foe. Will she be able to overcome this hurdle and join forces with a new ally? Or will this obstacle course, featuring as the headliner, The Brick Wall, be her final showdown?
……
………
……
Thank you for joining us here today. This is not the narrator’s story to tell. So without further ado, here is the story from SuperMom herself.
Hello! My name is Kelly, er SuperMom. Sorry fellow humans. I am still getting used to the idea that it is OK for me to be proud and take credit for how hard I work behind the scenes to make sure our family unit is moving forward at a steady, but happy, pace.
Before I go any further, I want to make it very clear that my husband is the most amazing husband, father, and human being. He is so selfless and makes sure our household doesn’t fall apart. He is my anchor in any stormy seas. We have gone thru ALOT of epic stormy seas that were meant to break our link. But we have yet to lose sight of eachother. Even as we are continuously battered with waves of tsunami proportions. We always fight hard to find eachother. Even if letting the link break seems like it would be the easiest way out.
Now that that is cleared up, I need to hop in my time machine and tell you a little story about how we got to this moment.
*beeboopbeeebob*
I was always an overachiever when I was young. All the way thru to college. I was studious. I was determined. I wanted to do all the things. I didnt always make the right decisions. And sometimes I didnt finish projects. But by golly, I was going to at least start.
And I still am. And I still do.
But it is not just me moving at light speed these days. When we had our first kiddo, my speed took a tiny hit. But it was barely noticeable. Even when we had our second child, our speed only took a little bit more noticeable nose dive.
We cruised along for a little while. Until our first started kinder. And our second started prek. Then came all the doctors appointments. The speech therapies. The ot. The connecting of dots. Even our first bully experience. The new jobs. The super power (special needs) challenges.
The lack of family time. Oh man. That was the worst. I feel like our life as a family of 4 was put on hold for 3 years while SuperDad worked for a horrific manager. And we are still trying to recover.
Obstacle after obstacle kept appearing out of thin air it seemed. And it was during SuperDad’s nightmare job, that I first became SuperMom. Even if I didn’t realize it until now, it was then that my abilities began strengthening.
SuperDad worked double shifts quite often. Leaving at at 7am and not getting back until almost 10pm….sometimes 6 days a week. I had to go to bed by 8pm and wake up at 4am. We saw eachother maybe 1x a week to have a tiny conversation.
And due to this insanity, I had to assume the sole responsibility for all household manners, including but not limited to….the lives of our children. The husband had “quick and relatively painless” mornings. I had “long and hellish” nights.
In addition, we didnt go on a single date in over 3 years. We rarely, maybe 2-3 times in a 6 month period, did we ever do anything as a 4 unit family. I made all appointments, researched all the therapies, connected all the dots, and became the only anchor (not on purpose) for all the hard seas and stormy skies that our children experienced. It wasnt that SuperDad didnt want to be apart of all of this. He did not have the choice.
Life was becoming unbearable. The stress, suffocating. The depression, a new contender for tallest mountain.
Anyways, moving on. We are so thankful he quit that job. We purposefully spent last year remembering how to be a family unit. I was still the sole caretaker of all household manners. Not because SuperDad didnt try. But because I wouldn’t couldn’t let go. I couldn’t give up any slack of the reigns. Nobody else knew how to make sure our ship was being sailed in the right direction.
At least, that is what I convinced myself to believe.
So. The point of forcing us to remember how to experience our life as a family, was to remember that SuperDad and I are a team. That we are in this together. That we both can share responsibilities and we will survive if I give up some control.
But somehow, somewhere, my brain told me I could add more to our already overflowing plate. We were sharing responsibilities again, so therefore we could do 2x as much. Because, why not? Logical, I know…..
Soccer, cheerleading, OT, TKD, vacations, scouts, gymnastics, dance classes, household projects. Title VI Native nights. 4 puppies. 2 kitties. X, y, and z. You name it, I probably decided it was a good idea to do it.
I once used to fly thru life at epic speeds with little effort. But epic speeds have now become turtle speeds. And little effort has turned in to expending herculean effort to even do a load of laundry.
I did what I could to make sure our family merely survived to the next day.
And that is how the final showdown between SuperMom and The Brick Wall came about.
The Brick Wall emerged out of what I perceived was thin air. But after my body told me this past month, this particular showdown, was going to happen. Sooner or later. I just happened to never see it coming.
At the beginning of this year, I fell in to a deep depression for almost 2 months. But then I finally uncovered a corner of my motivation. The dark and gloomy seas began to lighten a tad. And then I was forced to refocus on being with my children and experience their lives. This made me really take a deeper look at myself not only as a parent, but also as a human.
And then the piece that held my passion for photography, uncovered itself. But I was still struggling. I did not want to go to x, y, or z meetings. I loathed going to therapies. I felt better. But I didn’t feel better.
And then the largest obstacle along the showdown course, emerged. I didn’t know if I would even emerge from the other side. In fact, the emergency surgery obstacle was almost too much. The Brick Wall almost won.
But I am determined. I am strong. I am fierce. And I made it over. This time, with the resolve to be brave. To be courageous. To be fearless. To realize that what I contribute to my family…makes me SuperMom.
But the final obstacle, The Brick Wall…..finally made its grandiose appearance. There may have even been an acappella group, fireworks, and a banner that said “Bet you can’t make it thru this wall SuperMom”.
This past weekend, I slept. So much. I haven’t found the time, or energy, or motivation…to contribute anything to my family. I have been doing the bare minimums that will get us to bedtime…not even the next day anymore. And then I gave myself a guilt trip because I am SuperMom. How dare I feel this way. I can lift mountains.
I am supposed to be Mama Wolf
Not Mama Koala Bear.
So 2 days ago, I made a decision to take PTO this Thursday, tomorrow. There is no reason, except I needed a mental health day. So I resolved to play hookie. (P.s. I have some fantastic plans for the morning).
But then today at work, I just felt shitty. 6 out of 7 people at home are sick (1 with strep, 1 with pneumonia and strep, 1 with allergies, 1 with the flu, and 2 with a cold). I summized that I did not, in fact, survive sickpacolypse, unscathed.
So I decided I needed to leave. To go home. And sleep. I already took tomorrow off. I clearly knew I needed a break. Hell, everyone around me has told me I needed to slow down for months now. I listened to them, told them “I know. I will.” And I promptly ignored their advice.
So I came home, and slept. For 5 hrs. Uninterrupted. And it felt good.
I have done nothing today. I haven’t even let myself feel guilty. And I already feel a little more recharged.
Will the ladies at work give me a sideways glance when I tell them I needed to play hookie tomorrow? Probably. But either that, or I burn out so bad, I leave skid marks a mile long.
And that is the story of how The Brick Wall and I, SuperMom, became allies.
It helped me realize that I need to start taking care of myself. Not just say I do and kind of sort of follow thru. But actually listen to my soul. And nourish it. Because I have a family that needs me to steady the ship. And I cannot do that if The Brick Wall holds me underwater.
The Brick Wall and I are working together. To come to a mutually acceptable speed. One that will keep the both of us afloat, happy, and thriving, not just surviving. The Brick Wall will always be in my side mirror. As a reminder of what could happen. As a reminder that it is there to help me scale mountains
Thank you everyone for listening to my story. I hope I give you strength to not let your Brick Wall be the foe that holds you back.
#SuperMomOut
