As I sit here, typing this, my eyes have begun to fill with tears and I can feel my heart ache. While it yearns to break, it gets another layer thicker.
Last night, I ignored my own advice, and I went down the proverbial rabbit hole that is Dr. Google.
Don’t do that. Especially when you are averaging 4hrs of sleep per night for the past 5 nights. Bad idea.
The day started out as “oh, our boy is just a night owl” to “he probably has ADD or ADHD” and quickly escalated to “I am convinced he is suffering from sleep seizures.”
I just wanted to get some more information on PLMD. And that led me to seizures that only happen while sleeping, which led me to youtube, which led me to watching a ton of different videos of watching kids sleeping and experiencing seizures.
And while watching those videos – the only way to describe it, is I instantaneously had a gut wrenching feeling. I saw my son in each of those videos. I saw his sleeping ticks, his muscle spasms, his movements – in each of those videos. A few years ago, I questioned the amount of movement he was making and I remember wondering if he was having some sort of seizures while sleeping. But I was told by someone that it was normal and not to be worried about it. So I let it go.
And now I must let it go for a few more weeks until we can get a clearer picture.
And to top it all off, Mr. Man has started to hit himself in his head, because “it feels good mommy”. I noticed that it started about 10 days ago. And I haven’t found a pattern yet. But my eyes continue to fill with tears. Because life shouldn’t be this hard for a little kid.