Some Days, I Hate SPD

Some days….I really hate SPD. I hate to say phrases like it robs him of a “normal” childhood….bc life with my son is so much more amazing than if he was neurotypical (NT).

But, in reality, SPD makes life so much harder for everyone in our family. We have to pre-plan and discuss every single moment of our day, even when on vacations….or there will be an inevitable sensory shutdown or sensory meltdown. And even then, pre-planning doesn’t guarantee he will be 100% fine. It just means the shutdown/overload won’t be that bad.

And on that note… parents are always “on”, constantly having to be aware of that moment that he may be entering the shutdown/meltdown zone.

And that all means that not only are we as parents not fully there and experiencing the moment bc we are so focused on him, but it also means that his sister, Lil’ Miss loses out on so much….we have to leave places early, or not go to them all together.

I am holding back tears writing this because today, Mr. Man had the opportunity to do something he loves….dancing. We signed him up for a pre-ballet class. We prepped him. We told him about what he might experience. We told him about what he would be doing.

And he was so excited.

And then we got there. And then he had to line up to go inside.

And then an infinite amount of prepping, would not have averted his shutdown.

So I went in, and I sat with him. I saw him watch the 2 other kids. I saw him smile. I heard him beg to go home. I heard him say he wants to go dance. So I made him stay and watch. And then class was over.

And he cried. He cried bc he wanted to dance so bad. But something stopped him. So the teacher danced with him for a song. He stood there. His feet glued to the ground. He wanted to dance so bad. But something stopped him. SPD stopped him.

And then we left. And he wants to try again next week. And then we got home. And he was back to his normal self.

It was out of his routine this morning. New sounds. New smells. New people. And his brain couldn’t process where to put all of this new information. And it stopped him from doing something new.

Some days, I hate SPD. It’s not bad parenting. And he won’t grow out of it. But we will, as a family, all learn how to self regulate and minimize the damage.

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